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Music and Art at the Ukrainian Institute of America
Posted by Andriy on January 06, 2003 at 23:17:08:
In Reply to: Re: Cultural difference ? posted by Allen on December 23, 2002 at 22:29:54:
Dear Allen,
I come to agree with the Observer and his interpretation of your situation. I would also add that I find my compatriots (and other people from that part of the world for that matter, though Ukrainians in particular) have poor ability to blend in the Western societies (even if one is as accommodating as the US) and absorb their culture. That, on top of other factors, makes them weak candidates for cross-ethnic marriages. I have lived outside Ukraine (Germany and the US) for about ten years now, and have met several Ukrainian women who were married to foreigners. With the exception of one, who met her husband when he was a peace corps volunteer in Ukraine, their marriages were shaky and some consequently divorced from their husbands. It is perhaps a gross generalization I am making, but that has been my experience.
As for my advice for you, ignore some foolish advice that you were given in some of the messages, and do what feels right for you. You seem to be a good man, an honorable man and it is not surprising that you feel an obligation toward your wife and your step so even if ultimately she might hurt you. I guess yoiur payback is is your clear conscience. It will be she (if she indeed took an advantage of you) to live with that burden. It's probably not of much help to you to know that, but people like you are hard to find nowadays, so she will realize it at some point.
If this marriage doesn't work out, keep looking. I don't know what impression all of this will leave on you, it might be not a good idea to look for another Ukrainian wife. There are plenty of other women in this world thah might be of interest to you. If you have to have one, so to speak, then maybe you should go to Ukraine and live there for a while. Stay clear of outgoing urban type.
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